It’s almost sacrilegious. I’ve watched episodes I-III of Star Wars but have yet to see the original trilogy. Okay, I’ve seen bits and pieces here and there. I even borrowed all six from boy over a year ago. But my DVD player didn’t like IV-VI. So this weekend, I’m renting the original.
A little background. I’m a huge dork. I was a dork in high school, but I accepted it. I loved the geekiness, watching my friends make pong using C++ (I wasn’t much of a programmer myself), and hosting video game parties on my parents’ 53 inch. So the fact that somehow (maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t born yet) I haven’t seen Star Wars does not make sense to me. I mean I watched all the sci-fi TV shows on network TV. Xena, Hercules, Stargate, all the Star Treks (OMG Why did Enterprise get canceled after only 4 years?), Quantum Leap. I even watched 2525, which is like the Baywatch of sci-fi. Battlestar Galactica is in my queue.
So this weekend: Star Wars.
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There’s been to much crap going on in my life, and I need this frivolity to reboot. Work is enjoyable (not every company has co-workers that make me laugh out loud every day). But the commute is an absolute killer. Of the 4-5 hours I have of ‘free time’ a day, I spend 3-4 hours of it driving.
My social life has been a mess. Why is it impossible to make friends with guys? Seriously, every guy that I’ve gotten a little close to wants something more (well, except the only one I actually want). Look, I’m not into the rules. If I feel a spark, let’s date. But if you’re on the friends shelf, please don’t try to switch over. It always ends up being a huge mess, and I feel like a bitch and the guy just seems sad and creepy.
Things keep getting in the way of what I want to do. Whether it’s a lack of vacation days, money, or familial obligations, I’ve been talking about traveling through Europe each summer for the last FOUR years. Nada. Maybe I’m allowing these things to get in the way. Or maybe I’m too scared to actually travel by myself, even if I’m going to meet up with people once I get there. Maybe I’m getting in my own way.
I feel I’m suffocating myself. My own inhibitions and qualms that make me seem closed, unsure, and the complete opposite of who I am want to be. If I don’t actually start living soon, I might end up killing small animals and going to the dark side. Hella cheesy. But true. I need to make something change.
And if that requires me watching Star Wars and owning my own awkward nerdiness, then I’m more than happy to sit for the 9 hours of contact drying movie goodness. At the very least, I’m doing something I want to do v. something I feel like I should be doing to ensure my long term longevity/killing my soul.
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On another note…
Sometimes I think about how this blog affects my attractiveness to employers and potential opportunities. But I’m honest with myself and others. I understand myself. I know what I need to bring about change. And those are all good qualities. I also don’t usually bad mouth people or companies unless it’s in a business analysis sense.
What do you think? Soul bearing… good or bad?
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P.S. I’m also going to finally see Avatar today. I’m really excited.
