Interracial dating. I’m probably going to experience introducing my parents to a boyfriend who isn’t Asian, much less Chinese. Sure the dating part is usually pretty well accepted. However, when the relationship progresses to something more serious, how will our parents react.
From what I’ve heard recently, the younger generation (teen/tweens) are pretty race ambiguous and aren’t programmed to think in terms of race. So for them, in the future, to get married to someone of a completely different race, shouldn’t be a huge issue. But what about us? Many of us still have very traditional parents. Especially in the immigrant Chinese community, where my parents operate, it’s a huge deal.
I remember going home this past Christmas. Two of my family friends were introducing their significant others to the community over holiday dinners. In one of the instances, the guy happened to be white, which if a Chinese family had to rank the acceptability of other races, white would be at the top of that list. Still though, there was a huge chasm of culture and language barriers. There was no precedent, so the hostess was being extra polite and sometimes a bit crass. In the case of the Middle Eastern girl, the father of my friend was furious. He refuses to talk about the subject.
As with many boys in the immigrant Chinese community, at least through my experience, they’re expected to carry the name, find a nice (sometimes submissive) Chinese girl and honor the family. So it’s very hard for them to date anyone outside the race at all. With a Middle Easterns, blacks and other minority races, many of our parents aren’t actually racist towards them. Okay, many are, but the liberal parents are more worried about how we (their offspring) will be treated, if we associate ourselves with the discriminated race.
What’s frustrating for me, is that I don’t really care. I’m not going to not date someone just because I will get shit from my community. After all, I’m the one who will have to live with my significant other for the rest of my life (hopefully). It’s just frustrating that who I date will affect how my parents are perceived in the community.
I just hope my parents won’t take it standing down. To judge someone based on their race and stereotypes is completely ignorant, and if you have a problem with someone because of their race, keep it to yourself. Better yet, hang out with that community and discover just how wrong you are.
BTW, I did a Google search on “interracial dating asian black” and got 2 results in 5 pages that actually showed a black and Asian couple. I’m really glad I spotted this picture on The Tyra Show website. Even if interracial dating becoming more prevalent, I’m not seeing that many Asian and black couples yet. (But we should! Just imaging how beautiful the babies would be! lol)
I’m happy I found your site. I have the same problems too. Where I live the asian community is very disapproving of me and my gf. I’m a black mix and she’s chinese. We get the dirty looks, the stares, the sly remarks, some of the worst from her very family. I never knew people could be so mean. Would love to chat more if you have the time.
I’m sorry you and your girlfriend are going through such pettiness. As much as I love my parents and family and know they want the best for me, I also realize that they’re not perfect. I’ve been thinking about this issue for a while now, and even though I’m not currently dating anyone, I’m not going to rule someone out based on race or even education/socio-economic status. And it’s those of us who stand through the looks and the teasing that’s going to force those around us to change. At least I’m hoping that’ll be the end-result.
I’m happy to chat via email, so feel free to shoot me one.
my girlfriend is Chinese, she is from northern China, is very liberal and I’m happy that his parents accepted me even though my skin is black. yes I’m mixed.