thilly thenny

Surprisingly, they taste pretty good together.  I’m on Day 1 of the Master Cleanse… well actually Morning 1.  It’s been a mere 4 hours, since I woke up, realized that it was 6:30 a.fucking.m. and forced myself to drink a quart of salt water flush (it makes you poo) and sat there waiting to… you know.  I got the instructions from my coworker, who also recommended that I read this book before starting (the lil yellow one above).

The book’s only about 40 pages and sets up a good philosophy on life: you need a trinity of health- physically, mentally and spiritually.  Fasts flush the poisons out of the body and helps restore the organs.  Some of the later stuff sounded a bit too good to be true, i.e. people’s ulcers disappearing in a couple of days, a baby surviving with an alternative version of the master cleanse, etc.  But it gives you a good mind frame to start.

.

The cleanse goes like this:

Night before: Drink some nice laxative tea.  It might be bright fucking green, but it doesn’t taste half bad.

Morning Day 1: Drink the salt water mix.  Wait 1-1.5 hours.  Poo.  Poo again if necessary.  Go to work.

Day 1: Drink lemonade mixture throughout the day.  Be sure to hydrate yourself with a lot of water, especially after you drink the lemonade; it apparently wears down your enamel.

Night Day 1: Drink some more laxative tea.

Day 2-10 (up to 40): Rinse and repeat.  Literally.

These are the recipes:

Salt Water Flush: 2 teaspoons of non-idiozed sea salt and 1 quart of water.

Chug it, so it goes through your system all at the same time, and you don’t have to keep running to the bathroom all day long.

Lemonade:

2 tablespoons lemon juice

2 tablespoons Grade B maple syrup (yes, there’s a grade difference and yes, they sell it at Whole Foods -along with everything else on this list… the book *insert angelic music* says you can use any grade, but A is more refined and lighter)

1/10 teaspoon cayenne pepper (basically to taste & to help flush mucus out)

8 ounces of water

Mix together.  Drink at least six (6) of these a day.  You might want to get a half gallon size bottle/cooler to bring to work.  I’m trying the whole “Oh, I’ll just get Sigg bottle, force myself to drink 16 ounces in the morning, 16 ounces at work and 16 ounces at night…”  Bullshit.  I’m already hungry.

.

Current status: I FEEL LIKE SHIT.  Seriously.  SHIT.  *Insert more curse words*, I fucking hurt everywhere, I’m tired, hungry and off nicotine…. SHIT.  I hate everyone, and if you try to touch me, I will break your ish off.

… I’m hoping tomorrow will be slight better.  At least the constant hunger will mute my urge to kill.