thilly thenny

I think most of us who have gone through college and been out in the workforce for a few years have suffered heartbreak.  It’s an intense cloud of weeks, even months, that seems to damper your ability to function in society and stunt hopes of finding someone that’s just perfect for you.  At least in the fairy tale Goldilocks, she knew which chair, porridge and bed were the right for her.  But in reality, how do you ever really know?

I ask because I just finished watching the most recent episode of The Bachelorette (which according to Tumblr is the newest feminist, guilty pleasure).  [SPOILER ALERT]  Tonight DeAnna visited the families of the four remaining men.  In the end, both she and Graham’s mother doubted whether or not he was ready to commit.  A little background for those who don’t watch the show: DeAnna was the last one standing at ABC’s last The Bachelor show, but Brad ultimately chose no one, breaking her heart and leading her on.  During this season, she knew exactly how painful the process was for each of the 25 men, which ABC hammers into our mind with every preview, TV show appearance and episode.  DeAnna’s a beautiful and spunky girl, but she’s been hurt and heartbroken.  Her ultimate fear is to be left at the final show again by a man who can’t commit to her.  Hence, the apprehension with Graham, and why she ultimately gave him up.

But what strikes me most about this particular tear-filled ending is DeAnna’s poignant remark about falling in love.  What if she can’t fall in love again because she just let go of her perfect counterpart?  Of course, there are still three men, Jeremy, Jason and Jesse (coincidental Js?), vying for her affections.  What about us?  How do we ever know when we’ve wrongfully let go of the right person?  Is there such a thing?

It’s been almost a year since I broke up with my ex… sort of.  During this time, we aren’t really broken up, but neither are we officially together.  Being in that gray area is hugely dangerous for a girl who wants a future husband and lots of potential babies.  But I can’t seem to let him go.  In my mind, it all stops with him.  The possibility of someone else seems quite preposterous.  So is sticking around and waiting the right thing to do?  The feelings are there.  What if I’ve done the exact opposite of DeAnna?  Is doubt a sign?

I’m not quite sure.  Tonight’s show just left me with the same pot of questions as before.  Maybe it’s time to find a nice doctor or something…