love, why are you evading me?

and dressing up in a mysterious fabric that I can never grasp on to.

why do you send me people who only wound me heart?

people who are selfish and don’t understand my logic?

I’m hurt.  In shock.  And I don’t think I’m strong enough.  Yet I do at the same time.

I want to cry, and I know the tears are simply building up.

I can barely move my fingertips to create the words on this digital diary.

All I want is someone to really love me.  Want to build a future.

All I get is romantic gestures that lead to dead ends and cul de sacs.

I don’t understand.

And I can’t hate Oscar Ortega.  Because I love him.

And I don’t know what to do.

Time for a cleansing.  A full on catharsis.

I’ve started already, but I know the crazy/bitchy/tearful/angry posts are coming.

And I’m scared I won’t survive this one.

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