Remember the fable about the old man who was on his deathbed? When he was in his twenties, he wanted to change the world. It wasn’t until his thirties that he realized that in order to change the world, he must first change his country. So he set out to change his country. But at age fourties, he realized that to change his country, he must first change his state. A decade later and nothing changed, he understood that to change his state, he must first change his city. At the ripe age of sixties, he tried and tried to change his city. Then, in his seventies he realized that he should change his neighborhood. Finally, he’s in his eighties and at his deathbed. He finally realizes that in order to change his neighborhood, he must first understand and mold himself. In setting a good example, he can then hope to change his neighborhood, his city, his state, his country and maybe the world.
With the lesson (and thank the Lord), I’m coming to know that I can’t plan for 20 years from now or even 10 years from now. In order to really prepare for my future, I must change who I am now. Slowly. Carefully. It isn’t about drastic changes, heavy dieting, completely changing my career path or even moving form place to place. To be happy and to really influence the world in a positive way, I have to take things little by little. It isn’t week by week as I used to foresee, but day by day, hour by hour and maybe minute by minute. I can’t just “plan” to take classes at the local community college (it’s more about building my portfolio than anything to do with the school and its credentials– all my art professions have told me that I have an innate talent and I should pursue my passion; that I exhibit all the instinct, the concentration and the self-criticism to be a true artist), to get into an MFA program at the Academy of Art in San Francisco or an MBA at Wharton West (or Columbia). First, I have to develop a routine (or non-routine) that works for my life. I need to find out how to enrich my life without pressuring myself. To let things come naturally to me.
I think it’s really important that I’m slowly discovering myself. Yes, for this I’m probably behind the learning curve, but it’s something I need to do. And the general conception is that we as humans “get” ourselves at the age of 30, know what we want from life and how to get it. But I think that I’m a few year away (at least I hope). So… we’ll see. One day at a time. 
Oscar’s right. Though he’s just going through the self discovery phase that most of us (at least the ones fortunate enough) go through in our twenties, but what’s great about him is that he also knows himself well enough to demand that process and to take things one day at a time or as he says half a day!
I’m glad things came to me at the right time before I lost myself. I always thought I’d be something. I mean that’s so trite but for me, I really believed that. Not just “someone” but someone remembered to a select few, to the select enlightened ones. (Yes, elitist as well 
P.) But there’s also a very real side of me, and I’ve never admit this to anyone, let alone The Internet (whoooooo), that can totally see myself wasting my life on addictions. Whether it’s drugs or alcohol or cigarettes. I mean I’m not a drug addict, I don’t like getting drunk and I despise my dependence on nicotine, but truly “I just don’t want to feel anymore.” Life is so hard to balance, especially when you don’t know any close people around you, and at the end of the day, everyone around me is involved with managing their own lives. I miss being spoiled by the parents, always being on top and never having to try. The actual world… completely different. I’m younger without experience no matter what my credentials. No one spoils you when they’re busy with their own plethora of obstacles. There’s no such thing as a curve or an “A”; you can always do better.
Note to self: tell this to your seemingly unhearing teenage if you’re lucky enough to have children. They’re listening, despite facial expressions.
And be patient because if he/she/they is/are anything like you, he/she/they will need to learn that.
