thilly thenny

Correction.

I never wanted to be friends.  At least not with you.  I want so much more than that.

But I truly think you’re still stuck in your loving yourself phase where you don’t really want to share your life with anyone else. 

And it hurts that I feel like I always have to make the effort and you just sit there.  Yes, I’m taking up your time, but I’m always the one calling, the one driving over, and the one wanting to hang out.  At least after the break up.

And I hate it that you still make me cry.  That when I go on vacation, I still think about you night and day and can’t make myself stop.

That at the end of all these tears and wanting to hurt you and hold you, I’m still here and you’re still there.

Not unknowing of love but unwilling to know anything about it.

Always guarded.

.

.

So I’m not willing to put myself through the pain anymore.

You’re not worth it.

You’re not worth me losing my will to live and my sense of self.

Through the 7 and a half months that we called “dating” or a “relationship”, I’d forgotten what it was like to be around a man that actually wants me there.

I don’t care if you “don’t mind”, that’s not even the effing point.

So sorry you decided not to answer your phone last night, as fucking usual.

But I just wanted to let you know that I’m done.

.

.

I don’t want to try and make this friendship work because I’m the only fucking one that seems to be trying.

I don’t want to be around you anymore.

.

.

I don’t want to love you or hate you or miss you or wish you were dead.

I just don’t want to give a damn.