February 7, 2010

The Invention of Lying

I just watched the movie [The Invention of Lying] tonight as a part of K’s birthday celebration.  The celebration included bowling, dinner, and movie at her place + much random discussion about life, work, and stupid start ups.  I suggested bowling b/c I hate it slightly less than ice skating.  Tonight, I actually bowled an 87 (horrible by other people’s standards, the Olympics of my own).

Back to the movie at hand.  It was mildly entertaining but on the whole, horrible.  The story seems to drag on after Ricky Gervais (who cares that his name in the movie is Mark or Doug?) reveals the grand lie about religion and the [spoiler alert] ten commandments presented on two well-placed Pizza Hut signs.   The proverbial lesson of the romantic comedy?  That Jennifer Garner finally learns the importance of seeing a person above their looks, genes, and resume.  No one mentions that Ricky was attracted and stuck on Jennifer for the entire movie b/c she was hot.  You don’t see any of her “amazing” or “wonderful” characteristics.  Yet, Jennifer (Anna in the movie) learns the lesson in the end.  Well la-di-da.

Why is there an assumption that the hot people are purely shallow and the fat characters guys are so deep and see people for who they really are.  Oh, I’m sorry.  There is one fat lady (maybe two) at the very beginning when Ricky discovers he can lie and proceeds to try and grab a woman’s boobs.  He skims over the pair of chubby, older ladies for a millisecond before deciding a firm no, and I think that was the last fat lady you see for the rest of the film.  Of course, you’ll see Ricky in various levels of tubbiness and undress for the rest of the film.

Beyond the obvious signs of Hollywood stereotypes, there’s also the fact that the movie ends when Ricky gets the girl.  Nevermind that he’s introduced the entire world to the concept of religion and left them to believe and interpret the crap that he’s spewed.  Forget the fact that his best friends in the movie are living inept lives based on drinking and watching TV, so that they can get to heaven and get a mansion.  Sure, this could be interpreted as the fucked upness of religion today.  But that sub-plot was never explored or even alluded towards the end of the movie, so as an audience, we’ll just assume it’s a plot hole and not some ingenious commentary about religion in society today.

I’m ranting at this point.  So I’ll conclude with yes, I enjoyed the movie for the hour and some change that I spent watching with friends, but too much thought afterward would make my brain explode.  It’s an adorable Valentine’s Day movie, if you’re in a couple and want to snuggle up but the guy doesn’t want to watch the three hour Atonement (I don’t know anything about this movie except that it looks awfully freakin’ long, overdramatic, and bo-fucking-ring).

Favorite line of the movie: when Jennifer Garner runs out of the church (or “a quiet place to think about the man in the sky”) and tells Ricky, “I want to have little fat kids with stub noses.”

Random jewels (against all evaluation standards where you start and end with positives, I’m leaving these jewels at the end):

  • Jason Bateman and Ed Norton make hilarious cameos.
  • The product placement in the movie is pretty freakin’ awesome, a.k.a. I admired the marketing skills although Google tells me that some critics have called the movie “The Invention of Product Placement.”  I think marketers have really learned the importance of product placement that’s related/tied-into the plot.  Most directors would refuse, but it works just perfectly in this comedy/satire.  Some examples:
    • Coke: Because people can’t lie or misinterpret things in the movie, the tag line is “Coke: It’s very famous.”  Not only did they get that tag all over the movie and in some very strategic places (fat guy eating sandwich in the park… there’s a coke in brilliant red on the edge of the screen that’s perfectly positioned with polar bear and all), but it also got “Pepsi: For when they don’t have coke.”  In case all of those things don’t remind you, an example of advertisement in this alternate reality features a 10-15 second Coke commercial, and you see the progression of Coke’s taglines evolve from  the beginning of the movie to post-religion.
    • Pizza Hut: Ricky Gervais holds up his 10 or so commandments for religion taped on the back of Pizza Hut boxes, as he reveals them Moses style to the people.  ‘Nough said.
    • Budweiser:  It’s the only beer Ricky drinks.  He orders it during his first awkward date with Jennifer and continues to binge drink it when he’s rich.  In fact, Budweiser bottles are all over the movie sets.

February 1, 2010

Tips, Nibs, & Parallel Pens

I’m taking a Romans calligraphy class every Tuesday now, and we’re learning Trajan this semester. Honestly, I’d rather be learning Carolingian (below) or even Copperplate, which looks super difficult.  But Romans is probably the simplest (it seems maybe?) to get my toes wet in calligraphy before trying something more difficult.

Llast week, my friend Jean and I went and bought all the cool supplies and stationery that go with writing script, and that certainly got me super excited.  I can’t wait to get all my nibs, pens, and maybe even pick up some cool paper.  I just ordered them online this week, and if you know me rather well, you’ll know that I have more Moleskins than I’ve ever been able to use and am totally crazy about new pens and pretty paper.

It’s hard for me to understand how it works, so here’s my attempt for a simple explanation for supplies to get in calligraphy:

  • Pointed nibs: these are like different heads that you can grab for a pen.  So the sizes tell you how big of letters you can write.  You’ll need pointed ones, which means that they open and close (that’s how you get the thin and broad strokes).  You can find examples here.  These are great for writing fonts like Copperplate, where you have both thin and thick lines and all the detailing. I heard good things about some of the German and Japanese brands, but supposedly Pilot sucks (they break easily), so I’d stay away from those.
  • Parallel pens: these are broad edged version of nibs except that parallel pens come with a cartridge, so you don’t need to keep redipping your pens in ink.  I’m getting these b/c I need lots of practice, and the parallel pens will make focus on my penmanship. I got mine here.
  • Broad-edged nibs: again, these are broad versions of pointed nibs.  You hold these at an angle to get the wide/thing strokes instead of adjusting the pressure, like you would a pointed nib.  Here are some examples.  I remember asking Jean what’s the difference between getting these and the parallel pens.  They serve the same purpose, except broad-edged nibs are more authentic than the cartridged parallel pens.  I got both just to get a feel for the difference and know which one I prefer.
  • Pen holders: these hold the nibs, so that you can write.  I know they get SUPER crazy in terms of price.  I think I bought a $10 one cuz I liked the shape, but I believe just about anything will do.  Just make sure that if you get a wood one, you should cover the bottom half (that will be attached to the nib and come in contact with the ink) with transparent nail polish.  Apparently, they will rot with the moisture otherwise.  You will also need to get oblique pens (ones that go at an angle to help you write certain typefaces.
  • Kits: of course, I was tempted into buying these kits, but the one with all the supplies and the book is almost $70 (that doesn’t even include shipping).  I think the price is actually reasonable per everything that you get, but I just couldn’t justify it and it’s a Copperplate set- which isn’t the class I’m taking.  So far, I’m going to stick with the above (and a lovely French sketch book that I got years ago and never used).

I’ll post an update to everything later on and will let you know how it all went as well as samples of my ghetto calligraphy. :)

This is Copperplate.

    January 27, 2010

    Are you getting an iTampon… errr pad?

    Other than the fact that a million Mac fanboys and Steve Jobs fanatics gizzed in their pants today, this isn’t more than a iPhone minus a phone and on steroids.

    You can read more here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here

    … are you still here?

    My take?

    Big freakin’ whoop.  Now stop procrastinating and get my effing 4G.

    January 27, 2010

    Random notes of the day

    1. I was really frustrated at work today, but then I started drinking lots of Diet Coke (like 6 cans) and all of a sudden I felt better.  I think it was a caffeine.  But now I can’t sleep…
    2. When my neighbors upstairs get it on, their muffled sounds remind me of whales communicating under water.
    3. I’ve been watching Conan Obrien on Hulu every night before I go to sleep.  It makes me sad that the show is over, and I’m starting to ration it because I’m on the very last two shows.  I think it’ll be a few years before “America comes around,” so until then we’ll have to stick with Jay, Sarah Palin, and crazy conservative media personalities that make red states seem like a total joke with bipolar disease.  Please don’t think I’m trying to compare Jay Leno to republicans.  They’re just in the same sentence b/c I think Jay’s humour and show appeal more to 1) an older demographic and 2) probably a more conservative demographic.  On another note, I noticed where NBC cut off Conan’s spending wasting NBC’s money.  The scene’s taken off Hulu and NBC.com, although it aired during the original TV show.  I guess I’ll just have to YouTube the darn thing.
    4. I started my first day of class in calligraphy today.  I’m so excited about all the cool pens that I get to buy, and I finally have a use for my Moleskin with graphing paper, if I can find it.  (I have way too many Moleskins just laying around.)  Jean’s taking the class with me, and we’re going shopping this weekend.  I can’t wait to show people what I got.  It’s just the first class, but I’m so excited that I already want to sign up for the Copperplate class that comes after this.  I heard it’s going to be at another location that’s closer to work.  As of now, it takes me about 1/2 hour to get there from work with traffic, which means that it’s adding 15 min to my commute… In case you didn’t already know, this will mean that I drive 1.5 hours to work in the morning + .5 hours to class + 1.25 hours back home.  That’s 3.25 hours of driving on Tuesdays, instead of 2.5.  I don’t care though.  It’s so worth it. :)
    5. Four’s not a good number in Chinese.  I should probably say something else.  Oh yes, I lifted weights today.  I’m hoping my chest won’t hurt in the morning.  I’m trying to do more pectoral exercises, so that my boobs won’t sag when I get older (*ding* I’m older).  Also, the scale says that I’ve lost 3-4 lbs since Sunday, which is weird and I don’t quite believe it.  We’ll see how much I weigh tomorrow.

    That’s it for now! Night!  I hope I can finally fall asleep.

    January 25, 2010

    If you feel faint, eat a cube of cheese

    The title’s a paraphrase of Emily Blunt’s character in The Devil Wears Prada and her terribly unhealthy starvation diet.  I’m sure she’s a trim 110 lbs at the most, and yet she’s lean and ridiculously tall.

    I on the other hand, am 5′5.5″ and well… let’s not talk about how much I weigh.  Let’s just say I can practically lose 1/2 an Emily Blunt, and my stomach wouldn’t even bloat from hunger.  But I’ve been exercising.

    Okay, I’ve been exercising for 3 days.  Not too great.  But it’s a start.  An hour a day.  I’m planning to exercise 6 days a week until I’m so effing thin that my thighs are no longer the size of a model’s waist.

    Maybe it’s my lack of patience, but I feel like 3 hours of exercise and 1200 calories burned should lead to more than just 3/5 of a pound of fat.  (I remember something about 2000 calories = 1 lb of fat.)

    I guess I’ve found my own answer.  If I want to lose weight, say… 1 lb every 2 days, I need to exercise to burn 500 calories and then eat 500 calories less daily.  That’s not easy, given that my company caters.

    That means that if I want to lose 50lbs, it’ll take 100 days (100 days of no cheating).  So that’s… about 3 months.  And that’s some intense exercising.  I’d also have to make up for not exercising the 7th day, when I’m taking a calligraphy class- w00t!  I love cool pens and nice papers and stationery and stamps and… okay, not going to get side-tracked.

    I will attempt to update every week or so… meaning I should love 3-4 lbs every time I write.

    .

    In addition to my 1 hour of aerobic exercise, I’ll also need to do some weights, especially on my upper body.  I user to dance ballet, so I have pretty strong legs, but my arms are pretty flimsy.  Sadly, I’m top heavy, so I look kinda lopsided right now.  “I’m working on it.” Promise.

    So here’s the plan:

    • Exercise 7 hours a week.  No excuses.  6 hours of aerobic exercise and four 15 min segments of weighs.
    • Eating more fruit (at least 1 serving a day) and veggies.  Bread/corn bread, etc. only 3 times a week.  More wheat.  Lean meat only.  No more stir fried Asian food- at least not from restaurants.  Eat less.  Eat better.  Eat nuts.
    • Drink more water.  No sodas, unless they’re diet.  No random juices (god it’s more sugar than anything… and don’t be fooled; they’re not simple sugars).

    Steady wins the race.

    See you in a week!

    January 24, 2010

    Incredily hot blue people

    I went to see Avatar yesterday and posted the following message on Facebook: Avatar: if it weren’t for the visual effects and Uhura from Star Trek, I probably would have walked out.

    Okay, that’s not exactly true.  This is what I did like about the movie:

    1. The evolution of creatures in the movie:  Maybe horses don’t really need 6 legs, and the weird connecting fibrous tissue thing makes it seem that animals are evolved to be domesticated, which is bullshit.  But I’m sure a lot of people put a lot of thought into the evolution of an entire planet’s species.  From the huge winged birds (so glad that they look like bats and don’t have feathers b/c I’m not sure something of that size would be able to take off if it had huge bones and tons of feathers) to the plants that spring to life when it’s out of danger to capture the maximum amount of sunlight, Pandora (whose box is under the earth this time) does have a sophisticated ecosystem.
    2. The Na’vi (OMG are they incredibly hot): They’re larger than humans and are therefore able to fight off the large creatures on the planet.  Long limbs allow for maneuvering among trees and branches.  Cat like eyes allow for seeing in the dark and light.  Cat ears to hear.  They even have wide nose bridges. They’re like really sexy some cat, mostly human aliens.  Maybe the blue acts as a type of sun screen.  It’s all pretty interesting.
    3. Of course, the 3D features were just right.  It enhanced the movie without being the movie, although that’s probably a reason that I hated the movie so much.  If the 3D features were more in my face, I wouldn’t have noticed all the plot holes and cliche movie roles.

    I mean sure, the female lead was strong, but she was still dependent on Mr. Marine.  They weren’t two independent roles.  Business-wise, they would absolutely send in 10-fold the number of troops and claim the minerals on the planet.  It’s money we’re talking about here.  When has nature and living at peace with the environment ever triumphed over having more things?

    Yes, I realize that there is no planet of blue humanoids (that we are aware of), but aside from that, the storyline is wholly un-believable.

    Will stop ranting now.

    .

    In other news, I’m actually watching Star Wars.  Just finished Episode IV and am now moving on to episode V.  From the fragments that I’ve seen before, I believe there are ice monsters and cutting open a four-legged creature to sleep in it entrails involved.

    Note:  I’ve already seen Episodes I-III… and well, I feel like Darth Vader is deeply misunderstood.  I’m not making excuses for his actions.  He chose the dark side, and that was made pretty clear.  But he’s not born evil.  I mean the films really reveal that no one is (although I don’t think that’s the first message they send through… definition of bad acting, anyone?).  Evil is both within the human right and conditional/environmental.  Darth Vader would have never become who he was had it not been for the politicking of the Senators.  Ironically similar to the situation today… err minus the Darth Vader part.

    I can’t stop seeing Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen, whenever I see Obi-Wan or DV.  I guess that’s why they say watching Episodes I-III spoils the original.

    Okay, can’t talk (write) now.  Must watch Episode V.  Tata!!

    .

    P.S. Reminder to self: eating delicious Chinese take-out completely reverses any good done by exercising.

    January 23, 2010

    I don’t hurt anymore

    I think this is my new favorite song.  I’ve been catching up on a bit of work and had the TV on watching American Idol Rewind, when this song came on.  It’s so what I need to hear right now.

    Beautiful!

    Okay, back to work now. :)

    January 22, 2010

    I think my optimum job…

    outside of work, would be to plan Valentine’s day for guys for their girlfriends.  I’m really good at making arrangements and looking into every romantic detail.  I’m glad to help make someone so incredibly happy.  And lots of guys don’t know what they’re doing, or don’t have the time to plan.

    For example… for those on a budget…

    Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year.

    1. Prep.  On Saturday, get the following things:
      • 3-5 Candles| $5 | Skip out on Yankee.  Grab the ones from the dollar store.  You don’t need them to burn forever.
      • Bubble bath solution/scented oil | $5 | Even if you get the good kind, grab a small bottle.  Seriously, how often do you bathe/shower?
      • Roses | $10 | You’re just using the petals.  Don’t give a crap if they look kinda sad.
      • Sticky notes | free | If you don’t have them cut piece of paper.  Extra points for pink paper.  Extra points for cutting them into hearts. Write notes of them that say “This way.”
      • Food | $10-20 | Stick to simple breakfast items unless you’re a good cook.  Eggs, sausage, bacon, bread, pancakes, ice cream, OJ. Don’t forget butter, oil, syrup, her fave condiments.
      • Box of chocolates | $10 | Take out all the chocolates & put them on a plate.  Write notes about each thing you like/love about her and put them in the box.
    2. Sunday 30 min before she gets up | Fill the tub with hot water.  Drop couple drops of scented oil/bubble bath ($5) in the water.  (I said COUPLE of drops. Not the whole darn thing.) Quickly clean the bathroom. Clear the surfaces and wipe them down with Lysol.  Close the toilet lid.  Scrub the bathtub.  Grab some candles (3-5 will do = cost $5 if you don’t already have them at home).  Pull petals off roses EXCEPT ONE and put them in the water after the tub is full. Light the candles last. Driving you to the hospital… not romantic.  Be organized but fast.  If she has to pee, tell her to hold it.
    3. Sunday 5 min before she gets up | Hopefully, she hasn’t already gotten up.  If she has, skip this part.  If not, place the sticky notes in a trail leading to the bathroom.  Leave the last one on her face.  Give her a kiss.  Sweetly say, “It’s time for your surprise. Follow the trail.”  Go to the bathroom.  Stick the last sticky note “Kiss me good morning” on yourself.
    4. Bath time! | Tell her happy Valentine’s Day.  How much you appreciate her.  Want this day to be special.  Feel free to insert your own 3 sentences. Tell her to take a bath.  This is her time. Kiss her and lock her in the bathroom.
    5. Breakfast | While she’s bathing, go to the kitchen.  Make breakfast.  Also take out the plate of chocolate.  Make a dessert by scooping out ice cream into bowls and using the chocolates as garnish.  Put back in freezer.  Clear the dining room table (just shove the contents into a cabinet). Place remaining rose on her side of the table and set the table. When she comes out refreshed, you know… eat.
    6. Chocolates | Give her the box of chocolates and watch her read each message.  Take dessert out of the freezer, and make some quip about how she still get her chocolates.
    7. Sex | <insert elevator music> ….
    8. Go do something you both like to do | Snuggle up for movies.  Go for a stroll.  If you on the coasts where cities are close to each other, visit a quaint little town, i.e. Half Moon Bay or Old Town Springs (TX).  Go to the zoo.  Go skiing or at least hot tubing.  This can be as expensive or not as you want.  (If you’re like me and wake up at noon, it’ll already by 6pm by the time you’re done with steps 1-7.  So this is a prime time to grab from Taco Bell, watch some Fox Sunday night cartoons, and repeat 7. teeheee)

    Total cost: $40-50

    January 22, 2010

    A New Hope

    It’s almost sacrilegious.  I’ve watched episodes I-III of Star Wars but have yet to see the original trilogy. Okay, I’ve seen bits and pieces here and there.  I even borrowed all six from boy over a year ago.  But my DVD player didn’t like IV-VI.  So this weekend, I’m renting the original.

    A little background.  I’m a huge dork.  I was a dork in high school, but I accepted it.  I loved the geekiness, watching my friends make pong using C++ (I wasn’t much of a programmer myself), and hosting video game parties on my parents’ 53 inch.  So the fact that somehow (maybe it was the fact that I wasn’t born yet) I haven’t seen Star Wars does not make sense to me.  I mean I watched all the sci-fi TV shows on network TV.  Xena, Hercules, Stargate, all the Star Treks (OMG Why did Enterprise get canceled after only 4 years?), Quantum Leap.  I even watched 2525, which is like the Baywatch of sci-fi. Battlestar Galactica is in my queue.

    So this weekend: Star Wars.

    .

    There’s been to much crap going on in my life, and I need this frivolity to reboot.  Work is enjoyable (not every company has co-workers that make me laugh out loud every day).  But the commute is an absolute killer.  Of the 4-5 hours I have of ‘free time’ a day, I spend 3-4 hours of it driving.

    My social life has been a mess.  Why is it impossible to make friends with guys?  Seriously, every guy that I’ve gotten a little close to wants something more (well, except the only one I actually want).  Look, I’m not into the rules.  If I feel a spark, let’s date.  But if you’re on the friends shelf, please don’t try to switch over.  It always ends up being a huge mess, and I feel like a bitch and the guy just seems sad and creepy.

    Things keep getting in the way of what I want to do.  Whether it’s a lack of vacation days, money, or familial obligations, I’ve been talking about traveling through Europe each summer for the last FOUR years.  Nada.  Maybe I’m allowing these things to get in the way.  Or maybe I’m too scared to actually travel by myself, even if I’m going to meet up with people once I get there.  Maybe I’m getting in my own way.

    I feel I’m suffocating myself.  My own inhibitions and qualms that make me seem closed, unsure, and the complete opposite of who I am want to be.  If I don’t actually start living soon, I might end up killing small animals and going to the dark side.  Hella cheesy.  But true.  I need to make something change.

    And if that requires me watching Star Wars and owning my own awkward nerdiness, then I’m more than happy to sit for the 9 hours of contact drying movie goodness.  At the very least, I’m doing something I want to do v. something I feel like I should be doing to ensure my long term longevity/killing my soul.

    .

    On another note…

    Sometimes I think about how this blog affects my attractiveness to employers and potential opportunities. But I’m honest with myself and others.  I understand myself. I know what I need to bring about change.  And those are all good qualities.  I also don’t usually bad mouth people or companies unless it’s in a business analysis sense.

    What do you think?  Soul bearing… good or bad?

    .

    P.S. I’m also going to finally see Avatar today.  I’m really excited.

    January 19, 2010

    When do you get over a great love?

    Friends say it takes time.  Other friends say it takes another great guy.  Or just a mediocre guy.

    I’m not sure what it takes.  But every few months, I really miss him.  It’s been almost a year, and I haven’t been able to find anyone that even closely compares.

    Is this really just a great love?  Or a great obsession?  Shouldn’t I be moving on?  Has he?

    I don’t even want to date anyone.  Anywhere.  Doing anything.  LOL I’m being so ridiculous.  Things are actually going well for me!  I feel lighter (not literally).  My social life resembles that of a normal person (finally out of hermit-mode).  My cat is so cute, I just want to squeeze her into nothingness.  I have a gigantic apartment with a great job (and too many HR violations to speak of drawn on our whiteboard wall).

    Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t had a real hug in well… just about a year (thanks Vicky!).  Or sometimes when things are crappy, there’s no one to cuddle in bed with.

    Okay, maybe it’s the fact that I love that he likes to spoon.  That he’s so logical but totally goofy.  Or maybe because we both like awful action movies and silly cartoons. Or that he makes the most comfortable pillow and as soon as I cuddle in his arms, I’m fast asleep and comfortably so.

    Hmm… obsessive it is.

    I’ll shut up and go on a date or at least get out of the house.